Strategic Shrubbery
by Pilky01
Summary: Remember in their S rank, Morgan offers to hide in the bushes and help Inigo on dates? It made me go awww and I decided to write that. But things go AWRY.


"So then _you_ sweep in from the South" Morgan said, tracing the path with her finger along the map. "And surprise the target right here, in front of the inn. I'll be back here if you need support." She looked up to survey the mission area. A few people milled about the street, but the path to the target was clear. A tough one, but they could manage. She hoped.

Inigo shifted in his crouch beside her behind the bushes, pushing probing twigs out of his eyeline.

"I see... so I use the sunlight behind me to blind them and guard my approach." He said. "Clever, genuinely clever. There's just one problem."

"Hm?"

"What happens when she says no?" Inigo said, letting the twigs snap back into place.

Morgan put a hand on his shoulder, her eyebrows bunched in concern.

"Then," she said. "We go back to camp, and I laugh at you. Then I call the others and we all laugh at you. It will be a multi pronged attack. But!" She rolled up the map and stood. "That's not going to happen because you're prepared and I've planned this down to the smallest detail. We've been running simulations for days! I've got this girl pegged!"

"It's not the same!" Inigo said. He gestured to the young dark haired woman, hunched on a stool idly sewing up a hole in an old coat. "She isn't some training dummy with acorns for eyes. She has real eyes Soft hair! Warm skin..." His eyes began to glaze over.

"Alright, fine Inigo. If you don't want my help. I had _all_ these plans drawn up." She wiggled the scrolls in her hand. "I have plenty of other things to do today. Help Father with the Valm invasion, arrange my stuffed toys in order of cuteness. But you want me to help you with this girl you met literally yesterday right?"

"More than anything." He said, his eyes glittered. "Her eyes are sad but proud, they ache with vulnerability and willingness to -"

He was interrupted by Morgan swiftly bopping him on the head with her scroll.

"So why aren't you going up and dazzling her with words? Pulling out a rose from god knows where?" She said. "Why are you so nervous all of a sudden?" Morgan said.

"I've never had to do this in _front_ of people before." He ran his finger through the dirt.

Morgan rolled her eyes.

"Oh that is _baloney._ You do it in front of everyone!"

"That's different! They are bystanders, strangers, and occasionally angry fathers. But with you here there are" He furrowed his brow. "_stakes._ You're watching and judging me. It's too much pressure!"

"If I don't watch you I can't help." Morgan said. "Just pretend I'm not here. Pretend I'm shrubs." She crouched down even lower behind the bushes.

Inigo buried his face in his palms and rubbed his forehead.

"I'm already forgetting the plan!" He said. "It's all going to go to tatters. I'll look like the county fool at a festival."

"If it helps, everyone already thinks of you as a fool." Morgan said. "and, everyone loves the fool."

"But nobody respects him!" Inigo said, so loudly that it caused a man sweeping his front step to look over. Inigo promptly ducked back under the bushes.

"You... want my respect?" Morgan said.

"If I can get it. If it were Owain here, it would be different, he's just as much of a fool as I am. But with you it's... I don't know. "

"Inigo you're one of the most talented fighters we have." Morgan said. "When I'm in the war room with father we trust you with jobs we wouldn't give to ten men!"

"But what if you-" He turned his head towards her. "Ten men? Truly?"

Morgan sucked through her teeth.

"Give or take a zero." She said.

Inigo sighed.

"Is it really so terrible if I don't think you're charming?" Morgan said.

"It's all I have." He continued. "We have fighters who are stronger than me, and you're much smarter. If I fail, if even you can't help me, where will I be? What happens when you see me up there, failing like I always do? Poof! it's all gone." He rested his hand on his chin, his elbow on his knee. "No more Inigo the Lady Killer." He said.

"I..." Morgan laid out flat on her back in the grass. Clouds rolled above her in suspended flight. "I don't know. I suppose you don't have to. You can maintain the perfect, unblemished record of Inigo, tamer of all things female. " She said.

Inigo managed a weak grin.

"Flame of the fairer sex." He said.

"Duke of the Dames."

"Conqueror of the curvaceous."

Morgan rose up to her elbows and quirked an eyebrow.

"Alright, that one was a little gross." She said.

"Yes. Sorry. However!" he rose to his feet and dusted off his knees. "Who am I to let such a title go to waste? To sit on the shelf and wilt like a rose?" He shook his wrist and a rose shot up from his sleeve.

"What, how did-"

"Forward!" He pushed through the bushes, stepping one foot into the dirt. Inigo felt the blood pumping in his ears, he felt the sun glistening on his hair, felt the spirits of all the great lovers in history urging him on. Morgan felt a little hungry. The leaves parted to reveal blue sky, crowded buildings, and an empty street. The woman was nowhere in sight.

"Oh." Inigo said.

"Oh?" Morgan said, rising to stand beside him. She looked through the bushes. "Oh."

Inigo sighed in relief.

"My title of the most charming man in Ylisse remains intact." he said.

"Inigo I think you're standing in manure."


End file.
